Hello, Trailblazer!

Last week I was summoned to jury duty. I had postponed it back in May because initially I was summoned to show up the week I was going on a cruise. I picked a day several weeks in the future and figured I would be ‘losing’ part of one day.

Somehow I messed up and got picked!

I tried to avoid it from the beginning
Instead of waiting in a large central jury pool room, as I have done in the past, I was directed to show up at a specific courtroom. 39 of us were called there. 12 were chosen. “If you really want to serve on this jury don’t say much,” the judge had told us as we prepared for voir dire – pronounced “vwah deer” around the world except in Texas, where we say “vore dire,” making it sound pretty dire! Voir dire is the process of asking questions of potential jurors so the attorneys can decide who they want to strike for bias.

Silent is the way to be picked? Then of course I was talkative! I had some anecdotes to share, plenty of opinions, and even a funny story. The attorneys would definitely miss me when they had to strike me from the list.

Then things got worse
But they didn’t strike me. After an hour and a half of the dire process in the morning followed by another hour plus after lunch, they didn’t have reason enough to send me home. Incredulous, I took my place in the twelve-person box and within minutes was hearing opening arguments on a civil trial over damages for a minor car wreck.

We stayed until a little past four on Monday and were dismissed to return the next day with a promise that it wouldn’t go past Wednesday. Wednesday? That would be three days! Fortunately all the rest of the witnesses and evidence were presented on Tuesday and we were sent to deliberate a little after 4:30. Having been told the new court building “closes down” at 5:00, meaning security guards go home and all the computerized settings switch to “away,” we knew we would be coming back Wednesday if we couldn’t come to agreement.

Not quite as bad as it could have been
Agreement was easier than I expected, especially since I was chosen to be foreperson and had to facilitate the lively discussion. We needed 10 of 12 in agreement and started with 11, but quickly 2 expressed concerns and switched sides. At 5:00, we committed to ten minutes of vigorous discussion before giving in for the night. At 5:10 we were making progress so we kept going. By 5:15 we were back to 11 of 12 in agreement, and the twelfth really agreed overall on all but one tiny point.

I got to stand up in court and confirm our verdict as foreperson. Then the judge visited with us to thank us and we were excused. It was a relief to be done and good to be headed home. I kept thinking I would feel gratified, but all I ever felt was relief.

I was still resisting it even after the fact
It was a tedious process and it was boring sometimes. It was a minor car wreck, a bumper cruncher, and the trial was four years after the event. I didn’t want to have to be there but I was obligated, both by law and by a sense of civic duty.

On the drive home I was curious about why I had wanted so much not to be part of the process and how I had looked for ways to be excluded. The intriguing thing that showed up was how my resistance to something I didn’t want to do, that turned out as boring and intrusive in my schedule as I thought, was so much like my resistance to things I actually want to do.

The Inarguable Plainness of Resistance

Resistance is that internal feeling of sludge, of being planted and not wanting to move. It’s like the amazing capacity of a young child to multiply the force of gravity when he or she doesn’t want to go somewhere and you have to pick them up.

It’s an important consideration in personal development work of all sorts. We marvel at how so many of us avoid or pull away from the very things we feel a strong desire to do. Some of us even seem to sabotage ourselves to keep from taking action or moving forward.

Resisting what we want becomes enthralling
“Why do I resist that which I desire? Why am I my own worst enemy?” Fascinating, isn’t it? So much fun to consider in all its irrational, counterintuitive glory.

I think we fall into fascination because we focus only on resistance to things we really ultimately want, or at least things we really believe we want. Put the focus on resistance to something you really want to avoid, like jury duty for me, and it is plain, simple, and boring — just like jury duty was.

But it’s really not mysterious or complex
Fortunately I have been studying and discussing neuroscience lately so a new thought emerged immediately: maybe they’re really the same. Maybe the reason we resist what we really desire is the same reason we resist what we really don’t want. Resistance to action is a simpler response neurologically speaking than considering the nature of the universe or appreciating the intricacies of a musical piece. It’s related to the “fight, flight, or freeze” response. Two-year-olds are really good at it! Must not be very complex.

What if resistance is not romantically complex, needing to be unraveled and explored? What if it’s just a very basic response to change? In the world of neuroscience, it’s understood that the human mind primarily exists to protect people from dangerous things so we won’t be injured or killed. It’s overly sensitive to change as a potential unrecognized threat. In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), they refer to this function of the mind as the “don’t get eaten machine.”

Resistance is just a plain, ordinary event
If it’s true that resistance is not beautifully, mesmerizingly intriguing, we don’t have to sort it out. We can just call it a low-brain fear of injury or death. Seems silly to think that our brains react to the idea of making phone calls to learn about next steps for the project we’re on, or signing up to go back to school, as if we might be injured or killed.

But brains are brains and they haven’t changed much, if any, since early man lived in caves and makeshift shelters with little knowledge of and protection from the environment. A super sensitive response to change kept some people alive while those who were reckless were more likely to get killed. Guess which genes were passed on.

It’s a great relief not to have to untangle resistance
What if you don’t need to figure out your resistance? What if you can just say, “That’s my don’t-get-eaten-machine mind trying to keep me from dying. Its sensitivity is set way too high so I can ignore it.”

What if you can ignore it? And just take action anyway? You’ll need to build up enough motivation and enthusiasm to start moving through the sludge, but once you take a first step your view of the environment will change. Resistance will drop and it will be easier to keep moving.

This is not nearly as fun as pondering the complexities of a resistance that is more brilliant than we are, in some deep part of ourselves that is a den of machinations and obfuscation. If you enjoy pondering that sort of thing, just start writing fiction! Meanwhile, act as if resistance really doesn’t deserve all that time and attention.

Because I don’t think it does.

Apply it: Choose something you are wanting to do but are feeling resistance to. Take time thoughtfully considering what really matters to you about your goal. Meditate on it, journal about it, or have a meaningful conversation with someone who is fully your advocate and supports you. Build up the motivation and the desire. Whenever resistance shows up, reframe it as a primitive, overly sensitive response to change in your mind that you don’t need to follow. Take action in spite of resistance, looking at is as unhelpful and irrelevant, and then notice what happens for you.

May you glide right through resistance on your trail.

Take Care,

Stephen Coxsey, MA, PCC
Professional Certified Coach (ICF)
Self Development and Leadership Development

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About Steve Coxsey

Steve collaborates with his clients to design and implement a customized plan for success, fulfillment, and well-being for themselves and the people they lead. They thrive on a personally meaningful path and promote a culture of thriving wherever they are in charge.

Steve is a supportive ally to his clients. They are people in charge who have to juggle competing responsibilities in a variety of roles. They have a compelling vision of what they would like to create or accomplish as leaders in their businesses, work lives, or personal lives and are committed to turning their vision into reality. To make that happen, they develop the agilities of leadership to be able to empower and direct themselves, design and guide meaningful work, and inspire others.

Would you like that to be you?

Are you ready for a creative, dynamic, collaborative partnership focused on turning your vision into results?

Get started with a no-risk 30-40 minute consultation. It’s complimentary, so all it will cost you is a little bit of time. You can schedule the complimentary call using this online tool. You can also call 817-416-8971 or e-mail Steve@SteveCoxsey.com to set up the call.

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