“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ~ Maya Angelou
This is a powerful truth. To make a positive difference that people will remember, you have to leave them with a good feeling. Genuinely good feelings come from connection, and you can’t “fake” connection. We evaluate other people’s sincerity in a sliver of a second.
The suggestions below won’t work if you’re sizing up someone as a potential competitor or potential client. You have to really value the person. Our bull detectors are immediate and they’re highly accurate, especially when someone is closely adhering to a sales script instead of being a real person.
1. Smile Genuinely
Research shows we read smiles subconsciously and respond very differently to fake smiles and genuine smiles. A genuine smile goes all the way up to your eyes. To smile genuinely you have to feel it. Make warm, friendly eye contact with the person and feel the respect and regard you have for another human being. Your smile will reach your eyes and that will shift the other person’s mood right away.
2. Ask People “What Lights You Up?”
When you meet a person, don’t ask “What do you do?” at first. Ask “What lights you up?” or “What’s something you’ve done recently that you’re proud of?” This gives the person the option of talking abut any area of their life, and that opens them up. They’ll remember being heard as a complete person, not just a job description.
3. Notice People’s Strengths and Values
This will take some practice, but it leaves people feeling genuinely heard, and they’ll remember that. Knowing that someone “gets it” when we’re talking is powerful. Noticing a value sounds like “I can tell you make family time a priority.” Noticing a strength sounds like “You’re really good at organizing all the pieces and keeping things going.”
4. Praise Them Publicly
Planning to tell someone they did a good job? Ramp it up by bragging on them to other people while they’re listening. This is especially meaningful when you’re bragging to someone who evaluates them, whether a supervisor or a client – or a family member!
5. Acknowledge Their Challenges and Just Listen
When someone is struggling or when they’re down, sometimes they just need to be heard. No advice, no attempts to make it better, no joking around; just listening. “That sounds really difficult” or “You must be really worried” will show that you understand. Don’t try to fix it. Just be with them and hear them.
6. Remind Them What They’re Capable of Doing
When someone is facing a really tough challenge, especially over time, they can get focused on all the problems and lose perspective. Point them to a time they rose to a challenge and remind them what they can accomplish. “I hear the transition to the new system is kicking everyone’s tail and you’re taking the brunt of it. But I remember when you set up a branch office on your own with only two part-time temps to help out and nobody could believe how fast you got it done.”
7. Notice An “Invisible” Person
There are many people we come across who think of themselves as being in a low station of life. Sometimes it’s because of their role, such as a physical laborer or cleaning crew member. Sometimes it’s because of race, religion, ethnicity, or any label that separates people. You can greet that person with a genuine smile and warm, friendly eye contact. If the person is serving you, thank them and feel your gratitude as you smile. You can make their day.
It’s hard to do these things consistently. But the great thing about this is when you tune in to being genuinely interested in other people, it shows up in all areas of your life. Your family relationships will be strengthened, your friendships will be more enjoyable, and your social time will be a lot more engaging.
You’ll be making a huge positive difference in your own life while you’re spreading goodness around for other people. That’s wins for everyone. And business? Business is relationships, so you can imagine how that will go.
This post originally appeared in the Grapevine Chamber of Commerce Blog as part of the Experts Series.