Hello, Whole Life Leader

2016 is coming to a close, and many people are saying, “Good riddance!” It has been a strange and unsettling year in terms of public events for many, especially in the U.S. But as we notice retrospectives in the media about what happened on the larger scale that affected all of us, our “collective story,” we have a much more important opportunity to reflect on our personal story.

Reflecting, Not Just Reminiscing
I plan a long stretch of time at the end of each year for review and reflection on my year, both my business and my personal life. But it’s not that easy! Just putting it on the calendar doesn’t make it happen. I have to prepare for it in advance and guard it. Since the end of the year is a holiday season, I have less predictability and more unexpected demands on my time.

But it is incredibly valuable when I make it happen. There is a reason the end of the calendar year has holiday celebrations. For millennia mankind has recognized the rhythm of daylight, how it gets shorter and shorter as the earth tilts away from the sun and longer and longer as the earth tilts towards the sun. Our calendar New Year derives from ancient observations of this pattern in the northern hemisphere.

A Natural Rhythm of Reflection
The northern winter solstice, the longest night and shortest day, happens on December 21st. The holiday the Catholic Church took over when it established Christmas was a solstice celebration. With calendar changes over centuries, including the addition of days here and there, the solstice now happens before Christmas which happens before the New Year. But they all started out the same, the end of one year and beginning of another as we reach the point of least daylight and longest night before the “return of the light.”

Could be the reason our year-end celebrations are infused with light. And could be the reason that our sense of endings and beginnings this time of year, while strengthened by cultural rituals, might be more elemental. You can explore more about these ideas if you listen to my podcast from 2010 with co-host Francie Cooper on Light In The Darkness.

It’s on my calendar for Friday December 30th to review and reflect with intention on my year. I encourage you to plan some time in your own very busy schedule to do the same.

Looking Back to Lead Ahead

The end of the year is an excellent time for reflection, and reflection is a core agility of leadership. But it’s such a cliché that it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking “Of course I should do that” while you never actually get to it. To make sure you take time for annual reflection and benefit from it, it’s important to plan it with intention.

Although you are likely to reminisce with family, friends, and colleagues at this time of year, and that can be enjoyable and informative as well as boosting your connection with those people, it won’t give you the same value as intentionally reviewing your year. And I’m not talking about just dollars and data here. Numbers are one measure of accomplishment, but the richer evaluation includes more than numbers, and much more than accomplishment.

The best step to make sure you spend time reviewing your year is to plan it. The next best step is to choose a simple, meaningful format for your review so you’re more likely to follow through. Choose categories that resonate with you and encompass your values and priorities. Below are three models as examples. Hopefully they will inspire you to create your own.

PERMA-S
Using the modified version of the PERMA model of Positive Psychology I presented in last month’s newsletter, you can create a framework for reflecting intentionally on your year. Come up with a question or two for each category, such as those offered here.

Positive Emotions

• What boosted my experience of positive emotions this past year?
• What difference did I notice when I was feeling more positivity?

Engagement

• What went well that I can attribute to using my strengths?
• What challenges did I rise to overcome by using my strengths?

Positive Relationships

• What did I do that strengthened my connection to people who care about me?
• What are some important times that other people’s support made the difference for me?

Meaning

• What things did I do this year that really mattered to me?
• Where do I know I made a difference?

Achievement

• What important things did I accomplish this year?
• What long-term goals, not yet done, did I make progress on?

Self-Care

• In what ways did I get better about taking care of myself?
• When was it hard to make self-care a priority?

The Spiritual Journey
Across the major world religions and the beliefs of many indigenous people there are common themes of contributing to society and being compassionate. These common themes are pretty well captured in four categories.

Do Well
Doing well refers to doing your best work and accomplishing important things. Sample questions:

• In what ways did I bring the best of my strengths, talents, and skills to my work?
• When did I meet or exceed the standards I set for my performance?

Do Good
Doing good refers to choosing to act in alignment with your values, ethics, and guiding principles. Sample questions:

• What did I contribute to make things better for others?
• How did my choices demonstrate my values? My ethics? My guiding principles?

Treat Others With Compassion
Treating others with compassion means to consider their circumstances, avoid criticism, strive to understand them, and be helpful to them on their own path of growth and improvement. Sample questions:

• When was it easy for me to be kind and caring? How well did I do with that?
• When was it a challenge? How well did I do with that?

Treat Yourself With Compassion
Treating yourself with compassion includes extending forgiveness and grace to yourself when you struggle or fail. Sample questions:

• When were there opportunities for me to show grace and forgiveness to myself? How well did I do with that?
• When was I hard on myself?
• When was I forgiving?

Sun-Rain-Moonbeam-Rainbow
The last example is pretty simple since it’s based on an idea I read in an article for parents to create a meaningful daily ritual for reflection. It’s simple, but profound, and though it was created for kids and teens it’s definitely not childish. I took examples in that article and created a 4-question ritual to share with my son. Here it is modified for a ritual of annual personal reflection.

Sun
The metaphor of the sun shining means clear skies and friendly weather. It represents the good events. Sample questions:

• What went well for me?
• What did I enjoy?
• What am I grateful for?

Rain
The metaphor of rain means stormy, gloomy weather. It represents the unpleasant, difficult, and challenging events. Sample questions:

• What were the hardest experiences?
• What brought me down?
• What was really difficult for me?

Moonbeam
The metaphor of the moonbeam means the light in the night sky. It represents enlightenment, wisdom, guidance, or lessons learned. Sample questions:

• What did I learn along the way?
• What do I now know to be true?
• What motto (or mantra) kept me going when things were challenging?

Rainbow
The metaphor of the rainbow means hope and inspiration. It represents the times I brought light to someone else, lifted their spirits, encouraged them, or offered hope. Sample questions:

• How did I make someone’s life better through kindness and compassion?
• When did I guide or teach someone?
• How did lift someone’s spirit?

Lead it forward: Just as I share the daily ritual of Sun-Rain-Moonbeam-Rainbow with my younger son as often as possible, you can share your reflections with someone else or a small group. Co-create a format for the time you will spend. You can define categories and share your responses that you consider in advance, or decide to talk through and explore the categories together. Sharing your discoveries with others underlines and amplifies them. Plus any time you add another voice, you expand your own mind from a monolog in the echo chamber of your perspective to an interactive dialog with multiple perspectives.

May you be well, may you do well, and may you Thrive!

Take Care,

Stephen Coxsey, MA, LPC, PCC
Whole Life Leadership Coach

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About Steve Coxsey

Steve collaborates with people to design and implement a customized Whole Life Leadership plan that promotes success, fulfillment, and well-being for themselves and the people they lead. They thrive on a personally meaningful path and promote a culture of thriving wherever they are in charge, from families to professions, from small businesses to organizations.

Steve is a supportive ally. His typical clients have to juggle competing responsibilities in a variety of roles. They have a compelling vision of what they would like to create or accomplish as leaders in their families, careers, or businesses and are committed to turning their vision into reality. To make that happen, they develop the Leadership Agilities to be able to empower and direct themselves, design and guide meaningful work, and inspire others.

Would you like that to be you?

Are you ready for a creative, dynamic, collaborative partnership focused on turning your vision into results?

Get started with a no-risk 30-40 minute consultation. It’s complimentary, so all it will cost you is a little bit of time. You can schedule the complimentary call using this online tool. You can also call 817-416-8971 or e-mail Steve@SteveCoxsey.com to set up the call.

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