Hello, Whole Life Leader

The trip to Lubbock for my son’s orientation at Texas Tech was an overall success. It’s a long drive, about five hours, but fortunately it’s rural Texas so there’s a Sonic and a Dairy Queen in every town. We were patient and sort of good. We only stopped once, midway, for very, very small Blizzards. Well, once on the way there and once on the way back. It’s a long, hot drive!

We really needed that ice cream – it was hot!
With that long, hot drive, the air conditioner in my son’s car seemed to be straining as we crossed the long stretches of the Caprock Escarpment that signals the beginning of the Llano Estacado. That basically means the terrain became desert-like, mostly flat with some beautiful striated plateaus and ravines. We were looking for the point where the oak tree line stopped, because that’s a good indicator of where west Texas begins.

That’s also where it seemed to get hotter, and the strange sound from the A/C was a worry. That turned out to be a filter cover hanging loose so the air was swirling behind the dash and coming out of the vents weakly. We got that fixed after we returned, and it was the only downside to an otherwise remarkable trip.

But the university’s messages were refreshing
Three themes in the orientation messages from university staff to students were clear in the printed materials, in the presentations, and at the resource fair:

• Get connected with fellow students because being in a community is important to your quality of life and ultimately your success.
• Get to know your professors and establish relationships with them so you are comfortable asking questions and going to them when you need help.
• Embrace your college years as a time of self-discovery and growth, a foundation for becoming the author of your own life.

I was ready to sign up for college!

Some of the clear, intentional messages were:

“Work hard, but don’t forget to have fun.”

“Parents, if they blow through their money and have to ‘live lean,’ don’t worry; they won’t starve, and they’re learning important life lessons.”

These messages were infused in all the experiences we had at orientation. I’m hopeful this means they represent the culture of the university, or at least what university leaders aspire for the culture of the university to be, and not just some strategic marketing message.

Self-development builds leadership agilities
These messages resonate so strongly with me because they are the messages of developing leadership agilities. We want our next generation to be capable, resourceful, and responsive. Ultimately we hope to have admirable leaders in places of power and authority sharing inspirational visions and calling out the best in people to come together and make the vision real. That’s the pinnacle of leadership.

Since that’s the pinnacle, what’s on the other end? Where does inspirational, world-improving leadership begin? Where does any sort of true leadership begin? And by true I mean the sort I wrote about last month, that considers the impact of projects and policies on the people doing the work and all people affected.

Leadership Starts with Your Self

Leadership starts with your self. The foundation of all leadership is self-leadership. A person cannot truly understand the dynamics of leadership and be an effective leader until that person becomes proficient at self-leadership.

Self-leadership requires a vision
Self-leadership requires having a clear vision for your own life, at least for a time frame that extends a few years into the future. That vision comes from using your imagination to design a world where your strengths, talents, values, and principles are being fully expressed.

To have a self-leadership vision, you have to be aware of your inner resources. You have to do the discovery work of identifying and developing your strengths and talents. You have to acknowledge what you value in life, the experiences and qualities you seek to have and to express. And you have to know your guiding principles in rich detail.

Vision starts with discovery
Only when you have gone through the work of discovery can you have a clear, compelling, meaningful vision for your life. Many people – me included – can get stuck trying to make important decisions because parts of the self seem a little foggy, or because other people’s priorities or evaluations get confused with components of the inner self.

You have to take the time to get clear
For business owners this foggy vision could show up as developing a plan with a high level of financial success, because so many people value that, when your own principles and values are better served by making a decent living while doing something very well, but not letting it take over too much of your time or energy. For parents this foggy vision could show up as feeling pressured, and then pressuring your child, because other parents think awards and victories are important, when deep down you believe in letting your child experience the rich variety of things in life and find enjoyment, not victory.

Leadership is about understanding people
I have no research to prove it, but I believe that relatable, inspirational leaders are very likely to be good at self-leadership. They will live their lives with intention, built on self-awareness, knowing what matters most to them and spending their time and energy using their developed strengths and talents in ways that honor and express their values and principles. They will generally be good at self-management so they can make difficult decisions in a wise way and delay costly short-term gratification to reach valued long-term goals.

To be a leader means understanding what you are asking of people when you call them to action. This means understanding the consequences and implications for them, good and bad, across all areas of their lives. To be able to see this for others, you have to be able to see it in your own life. You have to know what matters to you, what your guiding principles are, what’s at stake, and how all these factors are impacted when you’re making big decisions. You have to be a self leader.

To be a leader, you don’t have to be expert at the kind of work people are doing as you lead them. Alan Mulally was not an expert on manufacturing automobiles when he took over as CEO of Ford. But he was able to lead people who did have that expertise, calling them together to solve problems from their expertise and shared experiences, because he was an expert at that.

Understanding others starts with leading yourself
To lead others, you have to be able to understand what’s going on with them, to relate to them, and to see the world through their eyes. You need empathy and compassion. These abilities begin with self-awareness and self-compassion. Self-leadership develops your understanding of yourself, expanding your self-awareness and nurturing your self-compassion. Leading yourself is the foundation to being able to lead others.

Lead it forward: It starts with discovery. To develop a rich, detailed vision for self-leadership, you have to know your own strengths, talents, values, and principles. You have to be able to tell the difference between what really matters to you and what matters to other people. And you have to be able to recognize when you’re making something a priority because you think you’re supposed, just because it’s what other people expect, even though it’s not aligned with your inner truth.

Take action to begin noticing the qualities that make you uniquely you. Capture them by making lists, journaling, taking photos, or finding images to represent them. Look at your list, or review your journal, or ponder the images on a regular basis, and add to and adjust them as you learn more about yourself.

Tell others about your experience with this process and encourage them to begin to capture their self-awareness. Comment on the qualities you see them express so they can see them, too.

The “Life Leadership” Notebook
My younger son, the one heading off to college soon, became a sort of guinea pig this past school year for an idea I had. I encouraged him – okay, nudged him – to create a “Life Leadership” notebook. Together we identified areas of his life he was responsible for, like school, chores, work, personal care, getting into college, and so on. Then every so often, maybe twice a month, I’d ask him to review what he was focusing on in each area and give me the highlights.

It worked so well for him I’m starting my own notebook! I know, I should have been my first guinea pig. I didn’t even realize that until I decided to create my own notebook after some suggestions from a mastermind group of colleagues who are also good friends. I felt embarrassed by the hypocrisy of encouraging my son to take this action without doing it for myself. And I felt frustrated by my obliviousness to that hypocrisy. Hypocrisy and obliviousness tag-teamed me to teach me a little humility!

In addition to capturing my responsibilities across the different domains of my life, with prompting from my friends I’m going to include my strengths, talents, values, and guiding principles, as well as long-term goals, guiding vision, and my mission statement. “Life Leadership” Notebook version 2.0 is going to be amazing! Feel free to create your own.

May you be well, may you do well, and may you Thrive!

Take Care,

Stephen Coxsey, MA, LPC, PCC
Whole Life Leadership Coach

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About Steve Coxsey

Steve collaborates with people to design and implement a customized Whole Life Leadership plan that promotes success, fulfillment, and well-being for themselves and the people they lead and influence. They thrive on a personally meaningful path and promote a culture of thriving wherever they are in charge, from families to professions, from small businesses to organizations.

Steve is a supportive ally. His typical clients have to juggle competing responsibilities in a variety of roles. They have a compelling vision of what they would like to create or accomplish as leaders in their families, careers, or businesses and are committed to turning their vision into reality. To make that happen, they develop the Leadership Agilities that will enable them to empower and direct themselves, design and guide meaningful work, and inspire others.

Would you like that to be you?

Are you ready for a creative, dynamic, collaborative partnership focused on turning your vision into results?

Get started with a no-risk 30-minute consultation. It’s complimentary, so all it will cost you is a little bit of time. You can schedule the complimentary call using this online tool. You can also call 817-416-8971 or e-mail Steve@SteveCoxsey.com to set up the call.

Click here for more information than you could possibly ever want to know about Steve.

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