April 24, 2014 | Issue 04.2014

Note from the Trail
It Never Gets Easy [Feature Article]
Recommended Resources

Hello, Trailblazer!

It’s been two weeks since I left for the MentorCoach conference in Bethesda and I’m still savoring the experience. The training was great, but by far the most meaningful and memorable part of the experience for me was meeting friends and colleagues face to face for the first time.

I had never met any of the people at the conference in person before, except Ben Dean, the founder and president of MentorCoach. I met him when he presented a workshop on coaching that I attended in Texas many years ago. That introduced me to professional coaching and started my journey.

All the courses I took to become certified were presented as tele-classes. I dialed in on a bridge line and listened to lecture and demonstrations. I called classmates for homework assignments to practice coaching skills and discuss strategies. I called in regularly to the resource group that supported students who were learning coaching and developing coaching businesses.

I even joined a couple of different coaching support groups, one which I’ve continued to enjoy twice a month for several years. I’ve formed close connections with the people in this group over the years.

But I had never met them face to face.

It was almost indescribable to get to meet them. I know their hearts, I know their values, I know their strengths, and I know some of their vulnerabilities. I’d seen photos, but being able to see them, watch them as they talked, see how they watched other people and get to know their facial expressions and gestures, added a wonderfully rich layer to my experience of who they are.

I also got to meet the people who taught me and mentored me and supervised me. I got to meet many of my fellow trainers who are now colleagues. And I got to meet several of my students from the Foundations class that recently ended. I had no idea what the students looked like beforehand, so throughout the first day of the conference I was looking at faces and eagerly anticipating who might be one of my students.

It was like Christmas morning, but the presents weren’t kept “secret” by being wrapped, but by being hidden in the crowd. As I met people, I was listening closely for names to find out which ones were my students.

The whole extended weekend was a wonderful time of community and learning and fantastic conversations. It was hugely rewarding to attend the conference. But it wasn’t easy. It wasn’t easy for the people who organized it, it wasn’t easy for the presenters to prepare and to teach, and it wasn’t easy for most of the attendees to be there. A lot of us had to travel a long way, set aside days in our schedule, and make sure other people were handling important things while we were gone.

It wasn’t easy. But, oh, it was worth it! You’ll find that theme in the feature article.

The more people I have in my life I’m eager to spend time with, the richer my life is. I hope you’re filling your life with open-hearted, encouraging, warm people, too.

Let’s exchange stories about these wonderful people on the trail!

Stephen Coxsey, MA, CMC
Leadership Development Coach

P.S. A very special Welcome! to those of you who have signed up since the last issue went out. I’m glad you’re here! As a subscriber to The Trailblazer, you are part of my Advisory Board. I count on all of you for feedback on what you want to see more of and what you want to see less of in future issues. As you read through this issue, please remember:

If you like what you see, please tell your family and friends.
If you don’t like something, please tell me!

Life Is Hard

My first online publication was an e-zine called Chasing Wisdom that had different sections. One of them was called “Striving and Thriving.” It was about people who were self-employed or in custom designed careers and enjoying their work and their lives. They weren’t fabulously wealthy or famous. But they were living rich, meaningful lives that they had designed and created.

It was important to me to include the fact that they were striving, that they had worked hard and they continued to do some difficult things to have the lives they wanted. It wasn’t easy. Success didn’t just flow their way and they didn’t become such problem-solving masters that they were like superheroes. They struggled. Like real people.

Striving Is Part Of It

I remember being part of a discussion group years ago and mentioning this idea about people having to work hard and overcome obstacles, but getting the rich rewards – striving and thriving. A woman on that call said, “Eww, I don’t want to strive. That sounds hard. I want it to be easy.”

Unfortunately for her, she believed an overly simplistic version of the Law of Attraction: that if she just imagined what she wanted and kept thinking about it, the universe would deliver it for her. She thought no effort on her part was required, and that what she wanted would show up without flaws or hassles.

Wanting, Or Just Wishing?

In my world, that’s wishful thinking. I’ve taught my sons a distinction between wishing and wanting for years. When one of them says he really wants something, I ask, “Are you willing to work for it? Are you willing to give up something else so you can have it? Will you endure unpleasantness for it, or take steps over a long time to be able to have it? Because the degree to which you will put out effort and endure challenges for it is the measure of wanting it. If you don’t want to wait or do anything but just have it, that’s wishing, not wanting.”

More Capable

My desire is not that they have everything they wish for just handed to them. My desire is that they learn how to acquire and achieve what they want. My desire is that they develop their strengths and talents, identify their resources, and learn the power of sustained focus to make things happen. My desire is that they build up their frustration tolerance, increase their resilience, become agile in how they can respond to changing circumstances, and master problem-solving. That way they can make their striving productive and get what they want.

Not an Absence of Struggle

It’s pretty similar to what I help my clients develop. They start out with goals in mind, with projects or possible new businesses or visions for changing or expanding their businesses. Through the process of coaching, they gain clarity and focus and motivation to move forward a step at a time. And they also increase their frustration tolerance, their flexibility, and their resourcefulness. They become better problem-solvers and they expand their comfort zone.

Besides, Easy Is Boring

As they become more capable and take on their fears and anxieties, it becomes easier for them to accomplish their goals. Easi-er. Not easy.

First, it never gets easy because accomplishing important things takes effort, focus, concentration, sustained motivation, and prioritizing – sometimes even sacrificing. Second, it never gets easy because as they get comfortable with something new, they’re motivated to try for something beyond the new boundary of their comfort zone. Every time it expands they want to push a little further.

Ready For The Next Level

They want to aim higher, to reach for something bigger. So as they become more able, they keep challenging themselves. They want more options and more experiences. Easy just isn’t their goal. Expanding their lives by expanding their abilities is their goal.

Application: Identify a challenge or an obstacle you’re facing that is really hard to conquer. Find a way you can get better at beating the challenge or surmounting the obstacle. Do you need to be more flexible or more resourceful? Do you need more options or more focus on one choice? Would some resilience be helpful, or maybe more grit? Develop your plan for improvement and implement it.

Question: What do you want to keep getting better and better at? Are you making it a priority?

Cultivating Excellence
Consider sisters Serena and Venus Williams. They have both won many major tennis titles individually and as partners in doubles. They’ve both been the top-ranked women’s player in the world. As they trained and advanced, they kept playing tougher competition. They got better – so much better that they are both spectacular, rare, world-class champions.

But it was never easy.

Sounds like you’re ready for a creative, dynamic, collaborative partnership focused on your dreams and your goals.

Contact me to set up a 30-40 minute complimentary consultation where we design a strategy and help you choose your next steps.

Steve Coxsey develops leaders who thrive on a core driven path. He partners with people who want to bring the best of who they are to their leadership roles in their personal lives, professional lives, or businesses. He helps people cultivate their strengths and natural talents so they can take ownership of their productivity and creativity.

Then they become powerful, breaking free of other people’s boxes and cubicles and living and working in alignment with who they really are. They design their lives around their values, their purpose, and their natural way of being. They tailor careers that use their unique strengths and talents and complement their life design.

Would you like that to be you? Get started with a no-risk 30-40 minute consultation. It’s complimentary, so all it will cost you is a little bit of time. You can schedule the complimentary call using this online tool. You can also call 817-416-8971 or e-mail Steve@SteveCoxsey.com to set up the call.

Click here for more information than you could possibly ever want to know about Steve.